Yes, I'm fucked up.

I am continually tested in ways bigger than what I can carry. 

And the brain & the heart play a lot of tricks inside of me. 

As I type this blog, I'm feeling depressed. Like close to suicidal kind of depression.

Well, ok, not suicidal. But I guess this is what most suicidal peeps feel becuase i'm feeling really down and out. I don't know.

Probably a combination of work stress, fatigue, repressed love feelings, home sickness and just plain fucked-up-ness.

I do get this phases of depression from time to time.

Because I'm fucked up.

I'm damaged goods.

It's hard to explain but I really need a lot of repairing.

I think I carry myself pretty normal. But there's world war 3 inside of me.

No specific reason. But a dozen of them.

I know people judged me as bipolar.  But, yeah, I cannot blame them.

Anyway, that's all I want to say.   I one fucked up person.

And I need help. Or at least, I need this gone. 

Because its heavy.  I'm out of strength, blood, sweat and tears.