Your worst enemy

Expectation can be.

You see, while I'm an over-all pessimistic person, I am surprisingly a hopeful person.  And by that, I mean, I really, really hope for things to happen - that everything, from a heart bursting with almost a begging kind of hope, I expect things to happen my way.

But then it hits you.

That its never gonna happen.  What does one do?

In my case,  I go crazy.  At least at the beginning.  I am one, crazy, depressed, fucked-up person that I get to a point where I just have this strong urge to throw all of my things out of the window.

But then again, one my best traits, is restraint.  So, it never happens.  (Also, sayang the things plus some are heavy).

How do you go from there?  I still have lots to learn in this arena.  I'd expect and I go crazy. 

So I guess, the better question here is how does one "de-expect?"

I have yet to find the right answer/s to that.  But, sometimes in life, whether work or personal, bothersome things happen.  I say you (or I!) do the following:

1) Distance yourself from this thing that's bothering you.  This is to slowly get that expectation out of your system.  Of course, I'm soooo NOT doing this.

2) Distraction.  Get busy.  Look for somebody else. Paint. Draw. Play a sport. Get a hobby.  Or in the words of many, get a life!

3) Don't completely STOP. I still feel that hope is good thing and while there's a fine line between hoping and expecting, we can't just shrug it aside.  Because, without hope, how does one see light at the end of a dark tunnel?  There's bound to be one. There must be! But, people, let's really draw that fine line and control ourselves.  Like what they say, hope for the best.  I still believe in that but I try not to overstep that line from hope to expect.

4) Do be selfish.  I strongly believe (and admit) that all of these boils down to insecurities or low self-esteem. You are beautiful. You are handsome.  You are smart.  You are funny.  You are great.  You are the bomb.  You are AWESOME! So, if you have this kind of mindset, you sort of stop expecting and you just let the good things come your way naturally.

For me, it's not a walk in the park. But since I'm awesome...

Expect that I will be de-expecting.