Death by Paranoia

So last night, I had a convulsion. I've had this fever for almost two weeks now and yesterday took its toll.

I was shaking uncontrollably that I blocked out.    During the convulsion scenario, I remember having one conscious moment and looked at my friend Karen and telling her to bring me to the hospital.  And that's it.

The next thing I know, I was lying in bed, all weak and wet and groggy.  I was still very weak that a mere sit-up was just too much and it felt like the whole room was moving sideways.  I felt my heart beating so fast, abnormally palpitating.  I was grinding.  And everything I hear and whenever I speak, it all sounded echoish.

At the point, I was paranoid.  I don't know why I was having morbid thoughts, but I really felt I was dying.  I was worrying already how my family would take it given that I'm out of the country.  I was picturing them crying as they claim my coffin (of course, with my lifeless body in it) from the cargo.

I begged my friends to please bring me to the hospital.  I thought that every minute that passed by was a minute wasted instead of getting the doctors to fix me.  So, they agreed.  While very groggy, I forced myself to keep walking around the house because I thought the minute I closed my eyes, I wouldn't wake up anymore.

So, the tuktuk came.  The tuktuk that was going to bring me to the hospital.  I was perspiring profusely.  A few meters into the ride, I began to shake. I couldn't control my hands and my feet.  My heart beat now beating faster than ever before.  It was then that I felt like I was gonna faint.  I tried to fight it though.  Then the dramatics happened.

I told my friends - if something happens to me, please tell my family, especially my mom, that I loved them.  Of course, I got violent reactions from my friends.  I told them that I felt my time is coming.  So, better to say what I have to say before its too late.

More violent reactions from my friends.

We arrived at the hospital.  I was really about to faint at that point but I was still fighting it.  It was hard for me to even get up from the tuktuk.  I was brought to the ICU.  Put some wires on my nose for oxygen and wires on my wrist for dextrose.

I was still shaking all over.  Honestly, I was waiting for that white light to take me to the other side.

Dramatics again.

So, I asked my friend, Karen, to give me my phone.  She didn't want at first.  I kind of shouted at her to give it to  me.  Because if I was gonna die, I would like to speak to my family one last time.  I talked to my family and made them panic more when I said I love them all.  Of course, my mom panicked.

My friends took the phone and they talked to my mom.

I still kept my eyes wide open.  I didn't want to die yet.  The doctor injected something in me to make me relax.  Maybe, 15 minutes later, I started to relax a bit.  My heart beat, while still faster than normal, was beginning to slow down.  I was asked to be confined and transferred to a room upstairs.  It was hard because I was still super groggy and shaky that I thought there was an earthquake.  All my friends assisted me going up the stairs my all the meds stuck to my wrist.

I got to my room.  And slowly, I relaxed.  Still wide awake.  But the good thing is, my fever temp was going down also.

After that, it was a 2-hour happy chit chat with my friends, forgetting the paranoia of death.

And I didn't worry anymore of sleeping because I knew everything was going to be alright and that I will wake up to a brand new day.

And tt's really nice to wake up in the morning realizing God has given you another day to live.